jobs and other details

Browsing the classifieds in a crappy free paper, looking for jobs: a way to kill your heart.  But, winter is coming and I have nothing lined up, so I killed my heart again this morning.  Unless I lie on my resume (as people do all the time), I don’t qualify for more than three jobs out of the hundred-odd listed, and they’re all in the minimum wage arena.  “Worst economy since the great depression” is the official word (“shit city” is what a homeless friend calls it).  My last massive round of hurling resumes at the void yielded one interview, for an after-school counselor (read: overworked babysitter) at a huge elementary school.  I was interviewed by a 22-year-old who didn’t look me in the eye once as he nervously asked three questions about conflict resolution.  Apparently I didn’t get the job (for which I am way overqualified), though this dude didn’t call or email me to let me know, just booted me out of his office without a handshake.  Did I mention he was wearing shorts and flip-flops?  Such a thankless experience, job hunting.  I’d do better with an actual bow and arrow; at least that might offer a return on my time.  This morning I wasted five minutes browsing the classifieds for jobs I cannot get, then decided to mash together this and that awful job to create even worse opportunities.  Here are the winners (I kept the ads’ jarring, erroneous capitalization):

Social User Specialist
Hospice Fry Cook
Macintosh Psychiatrist
Human Telesales Production Investigator (seasonal opportunity)
Crisis Bakery Assistant
Customer Service Docket Clerk B (that’s a really bad gig)
Graphic Mental Health Clinician (weekend and nights required)
Floor Cleaning Case Manager
Substance Abuse Laundry Technician (must sign a nondisclosure agreement)
Mail Order Crisis Clinician
Early Childhood Doghandler (physical requirements: crawling on all fours, roughhousing)
Corporate Religious Education Instructor (with possible promotion to “Bride of Satan”)

And that’s as far as I got before throwing the paper down in disgust.  If you’re wondering why I’ve been absent from this blog for the last few months, it’s because 1. I have limited internet access, must walk ten minutes to get to the wifi hotspot (well, tepidspot) and 2. some kind of identity change is going on.   Apart from my book’s birth in January , I’ve had no success in the writing world this year (and the book was written, accepted for publication, and edited in earlier years).  My other forthcoming book got mysteriously dropped, I’ve received one rejection letter after another, and even the bland world of contract writing kicked me out (though that’s more of a sign of the lousy economy).  So I put all my creative energy into art, and have been painting constantly.  I started an ABC book in February; 20 paintings are finished, and it seems like I might finish the other six this year—it’s the biggest art project I’ve ever taken on.   Raggedy shotgun ann got placed aside too, and that’s kind of sad because it’s been a steady presence in my life for a while.  When I don’t feel like a writer (and I don’t anymore), it’s hard to return to this blog.  But, winter in the northeast can be really long and boring; I expect to watch  bad movies and have  no choice but to draw and quarter them here.  Stay tuned.


About emvlovely

Oh, I live in an RV. I write poems, essays and prose. Thanks for reading my blog, good health to you!
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2 Responses to jobs and other details

  1. Spike says:

    I’d like to apply to the laundry technician position. I’ve attach a cover letter and a resume.

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